“We won!” Was the victorious cry of Leavers when, one year ago, the votes came in to leave the European Union. Alas, as was the case at the time, those same Leavers still haven’t the foggiest idea exactly what it is they were supposed to have won.
Many thought they had won £350 million for the NHS, many others thought they had won the right to be as openly racist and xenophobic as they pleased with absolutely no repercussions, others believed they would win a golden miniature of Nigel Farage, smoking and drinking with the words ‘Fuck off, you European Tossers’ inscribed on its gilded pedestal but it wasn’t to be.
Instead things are in just as much of a clusterfuck as they were a year ago. Bill said: “Well when I found out that we weren’t getting the money for the NHS I thought at least Nige will be PM but then it turned out that wasn’t part of it either so I just told my Polish neighbours to piss off back home and that made me feel better.” When asked what his response to people who questioned the result, Bill said: “I’d press the capital lock key on my computer and tell then ‘we won, that’s democracy so shut up.” His argument is clearly infallible.
Another Brexiteer, Percy Ethelbert Carlston IV, was confused for different reasons. “One cannot fathom why the Empire has not been reinstated yet. All those primitive colonies should have come crawling back by now, if you ask me the Queen should assemble the fleet and declare war immediately, you know, Rule Britannia and all that malarky.” When asked who we should be declaring war on he replied: “Well I don’t know, throw a dart at a map and invade the first country one hits I suppose.” With Theresa May’s negotiations ongoing, perhaps these disillusioned Leave voters will get their prize soon…or maybe not.